Strangled by fear of failure and paralyzed by
perfectionism I do nothing but wait. Wait for the day lightning strikes and
erases every inclination to self-sabotage.
Until then, I jump forward at any chance to do everyone
else’s work but my own. Because I trust myself enough not to fail for others.
Why do I then fail myself by not even trying?
I am a writer that never writes, a dancer who never
dances, a singer who never sings, and a healer who stopped healing because it
hurts too much.
All that makes me me I let be. Because in a twisted way,
it is safer to spend my time thinking of doing things, fearing the failure of
doing them wrong, and doing other people’s things than actual action for my own
satisfaction. All the things I love the most, I also fear to death.
I do actually love my job, but I wonder if I can do my
job and my work at the same time? I believe
the answer is yes. Not only in the case of me. I think there is a perfect
opportunity for people’s day-to-day jobs to feed (or be part of) their higher
purpose. Simply notice how what you do now feed into what you might do later,
whether it is a skillset, connection, or inspiration. I viscerally felt my
writing block start to crumble as I watched a presentation on writing tools
yesterday. And today, I finally write again…
Lately, I have taken one step forward professionally and
two steps back personally. I am ready to merge these fields and take three
collective steps in the right direction. Hopefully, it won’t be as hard once I’ve
seen how my job can feed my work, and any action is better than inaction.
