Splendid Sunday

On the morning of my third toilet-less day, the urge came upon me to leave the house as soon as my feet hit the ground. I threw on some rags, a pair of shoes, and the biggest, blackest sunglasses I could find, and stumbled out the door. Destination: Whole Foods.

As so often happens at that store, I ended up crawling out with a whole lot of food, and a whole lot less money left for the upcoming week than previously planned. So what, I deserved to enjoy myself. Other aspects of existence weren't exactly smiling at me, so I needed something to elevate my mood.

Smoked salmon spread. Egg bagel. Carefully selected salad. Iced coffee. $5.99 chocolate from a country I can't pronounce. I placed myself at the center of my feast, and started indulging. After a few seconds, an unwelcomed guest joined me, followed by his drooling friend. Don't get me wrong, I love animals, it's just that I'm never sure if dogs evoke a rash, breathing difficulties, or eat my food. Quite frequently, all three.

The third time they came over, I removed my headset and looked the owner straight in the eye. A pretty standard hippie-hipster kinda guy. He mumbled something like "I'm sorry if the dogs are bothering you."  By some unexplainable reason I noticed the goodness in his eyes, and said "I think it's wonderful you let them run free, all dogs should be free." "That's what I think to" he said, and smiled. Meanwhile, the inner voice screamed "oh, fuck!" And just like that, my smoked salmon spread mysteriously disappeared.

Shortly after, the dude and the dogs disappeared. Finally, peace to enjoy my $5.99 chocolate, and Jung's biography which I'd been dying to read again for the last two years. In my side vision, I notice a male figure laying his body dangerously close to mine. My thoughts calmed me by illuminating the fact that its probably all in my head, and I need to stop being so full of myself. After moving his shirtless, hairy body closer to mine three times, without evoking a response in me, he stood up, blocked the sun, and signaled for me to remove my headset. "Can I talk to you?" "Eh...eh...I guess so.." I mumbled. He sat back down and started sharing his life story. Turns out the reason he needed a bottle of vodka at 12 pm came from his Scottish heritage, he had a master's degree in something he couldn't remember, and a girlfriend which apparently somehow justified his attempts to grab me. In between every unnecessary piece of information, he asked whether he could touch my legs, or thighs, or ass. Preferably all three.

After half an hour of uncomfortable dialogue, I took my set of untouched legs and marched home.

Back at the apartment, I noticed a rotten stench. To my unpleasant surprise, the bathroom and kitchen floor were covered in sewer water. Where there used to be a toilet, there was now a hole. A big, brown hole in the floor. I packed a backpack, failed my attempt to stop hyperventilating, and left the stench behind. Ready to see what other adventures this splendid Sunday had in store for me.