The most expensive letters...ever..!

I just paid $43573 for two letters.

I'm not kidding. 

That comes down to $21786,5 for each one of those lowsy little letters. 

Do I feel different now, as I proudly insert two tokens of mastery at the end of my name? 

I wish I could say yes. By the gods, how I wish I could say yes! 

Give a long elaboration of the magical stardust attached to the title. Share how my system tingles with excitement each time I add the proof of my most expensive, time-consuming endeavor to my name. Tell tales of people nodding with approval and acknowledgment to my achievement. 

Honestly, I am exactly the same. People treat me exactly the same. 

No, wait a minute, that's not true:

I am 2 years older. 

Basically broke.

20 pounds heavier.

I live in a smaller apartment. With uneven floors, a clogged toilet, and the tiniest dishwasher in the history of man. 

I filled two bookshelves, and a box with books serving as dust-collectors.

Through personal experience, I know that crow's feet not only refers to the features of a bird. 

I can't see the writings on the board any more, but I still hold on to the idea of having perfect vision (which my eye doctor told me at 18, when I wanted purple contacts).

And somehow I've convinced myself that two isn't enough. I need a third one to soothe my ego. Instantly. Maybe I'm addicted to education? I wonder if that's listed in the DSM IV? 

A PhD before thirty sounds so damn good. 

And we all know that all good things are three, right? 

Those three letters will probably get the whole world to read my books. 

Make undergrads bow down at my feet. 

Have god send me an instant dose of Botox while I sleep.

Clean the toilet.

Make dinner.

Expand the apartment.

And allow me to magically wake up with purple eyes and a hawk's vision.

- May-Linn Hammer M.A.